“A Glimmer of Light Amidst the Tears”   By Nela M. Orrillo Vera.

Today I met Jonathan, a 13 year old boy who has lost the will to live. His grandmother, who raised him, was at her wits end because of his fragile emotional state, and, hoping for some kind of relief, she brought him to the mobile clinic held in Antonio Raymondi.
The sight of Jonathan with his trembling body and tears running down his face moved my heart with compassion for him.  I was in front of a young man who at that moment was having an anxiety crisis.  I felt very inadequate to help him, but the Holy Spirit gave me the words to say.
When Jonathan arrived at the integral health area, his body was trembling and I saw in his face an intense fear and a disconnection that prevented him from expressing himself verbally.  When I tried to engage with him, his anxiety only allowed him to answer with only a few words and a few broken sentences.  After a moment of simply sitting calmly by him, he told me that he could not express his feelings in words and stated that he doesn’t know what happens when he has these crises.  He said that he only wants to cry non-stop, along with not being able to sleeep, lack of appetite and that he used to love to play soccer but that it just did not seem fun to him anymore.  After listening to him, I was able to ask him if he had any thoughts of self-harm, and, after looking into my eyes to see if he could trust me, he admitted that he had thoughts of suicide.  He said that he had very strong voices in his mind telling him that he should cut his wrists or hang himself.  I asked him if he had a plan to actually do it, or if he had already tried to do it.  He said he had not yet actually carried out the strong impressions of self-harm, but that, at times, the urge to do so was almost overwhelming.

When he opened up to me about this I knew that this was a case of depression and anxiety in a place where almost no one knows these terms, no one knows what the symptoms are, and where there is no help available.
When I talked a little more with him and his grandmother, I wasl told that Jonathan was abandoned by his mother when he was only two months old and that they do not know who his biological father is. This has caused Jonathan a deep wound of abandonment. He also was in two motocarro accidents that have caused him to feel overwhelmed with guilt. In fact, he feels guilty for everything bad that happens and says that he simply can not help feeling that way.
When his grandmother heard that her grandson, whom she has raised as her son, has suicidal thoughts, she could not take it anymore and broke down in tears. The only thing I could do at that moment was to hug her and mingle my tears with hers as I felt her pain.
Seeing his grandmother’s pain, Jonathan got up and hugged her and we three had a special moment of prayer. As I write about this incident, I can’t help but cry because I know that Jesus understands me and understands Jonathan. I know that He also cried when He saw the pain of the world. If there is anyone who empathizes completely with this family, it is Jesus.
We want to continue accompanying Jonathan and his grandmother until we see him smile from the heart again. His family is very grateful to AMOR Projects here in Pucallpa and also thanks you, dear donor, because thanks to your support we are able to reach out to and help people like Jonathan.